Writing at a 19th Grade Level

For Valentine's Day, in addition to a thoughtful gift, a delicious home-cooked meal and an overall pleasant evening with my family, I also received a rather big surprise. Keep in mind, I've always been annoyed at people who tout their very young children as "geniuses" or "prodigies" simply because they seem to be advancing a little faster than the average child their age. But I think I'm being completely objective when I say my infant son may truly possess such qualities.

Just before opening the boxer shorts that he got for me, which I can only assume he paid for with money he stole from one of the other pre-toddlers at his daycare, or earned in a manner that would shame even the kids working in Nike factories, I read the card that he made for me. It read, and I quote:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Thank you for changing

My diapers o' poo

I'm very glad 'cause,

You might realize,

I'm near to the source,

So the stink burns my eyes

But mom and I think

The time is now here

For you to tend to

Your own stinky rear

To help with that task

This gift is for you

Use it when changing

Your own pile o' poo

Honestly, even if it was someone else's child, I would think that's pretty good for an 11 month old. Now I admit the content is a little crude, but kids his age tend to find subject matter like this funny, so I overlooked it. What I can't overlook, though, is that he's able to read and write before having even said his first word. Not only that, he can write in rhyme. That's a little unusual, right? I mean, I'm no child development specialist, but that seems advanced.

I don't want to jump the gun, but I think it's safe to say my wife and I can plan for retirement in no more than five years, after he's patented his invention that lets you travel through time or reach an actual person when calling your insurance company.