Hard to Watch? You Aint Lion

If you’re an idiot like me, perhaps you listen to sports talk radio on a regular basis. And if this is the case, you may have heard/been beaten to death with the argument that the NFL should cancel the tradition of having the Detroit Lions play on Thanksgiving. I ask, why not have the NFL cancel the Detroit Lions?

I think the poor people of Detroit have suffered enough. Their three leading job producers – GM, Ford and Chrysler – are suffering horrible revenue losses and are likely to instill massive layoffs; it’s cold year round; their state touches Canada, and the city’s most accomplished athletes play something called hockey.

It just seems cruel that they be subjected to the Lions week after week. At the very least, the NFL should move them to a city that has never had a professional football team. Like Cincinnati.

It’s hard to imagine how a person, in this case owner William Clay Ford, can be allowed to pull in millions of dollars from the city and its citizens while providing a product so putrid. Some would argue he provides no product at all. And Mr. Ford, you can no longer use the excuse, “Hey, Pairs Hilton does it.” Something must change.

The team’s despair has even begun to spread around the league. Instead of rejoicing over the virtually guaranteed win that comes with playing the Lions, other teams no longer want to face them. Many players have said that telling people they beat Detroit is like saying, “I knocked over a fat lady on crutches,” or “I can recite the alphabet faster than my dog.” Congratulations.

So the next time you complain about watching the Lions on Thanksgiving, just remember you could be watching them 16 Sundays a year from September through December. Then say a prayer of thanks that your state doesn’t touch Canada.