We, as a society, do a lot of dumb things. Some times we do dumb things to impress people (buy Hummers), other times out of tradition (spend Christmas with our families) and some times just because they’re fun (get drunk and bet it all on black 7).
But nothing is dumber than doing something for no reason other than because someone else has done it. And we, as a society, do that a lot. Not necessarily in the sense of “keeping up with the Joneses” because a lot of times in those instances, there is at least one other reason to justify the dumb things we do or buy. Even though someone might buy a BMW because his neighbor has one, it can be argued that a BMW is a quality, high-performing automobile that is a good purchase whether your neighbor has one or not.
I’m talking about things that cannot be explained in any other context, and why anyone ever did them in the first place is incomprehensible. For instance, using chop sticks. Or voting Republican (sorry, couldn’t help myself).
Below are just some of the things I’ve noticed that people do only because someone else has already done them or is currently doing them:
Run with the bulls – I understand the desire to do something dangerous for an adrenaline rush, like skydiving or rock climbing, but running with the bulls is in a category of its own. If you were planning to do this and showed up on the big day to find you were the only person who would be running from 12 angry bulls, would you still do it?
Camp out for movie tickets – I also understand camping out overnight for seats to a concert or a sporting event that will be the hot ticket. These are one-time events with limited seating. But a movie will play 10 times a day, every day for three to four months at multiple theaters near you. There is no reason to camp out for movie tickets. None. If you have ever done so, please stop reading this and refrain from telling people you know me.
Put Christmas lights on the outside of our homes – It’s cold, a pain in the ass to do, and we spend most of the season looking at the inside of our homes because, as I mentioned, it’s cold.
Send fruitcake as a gift – It’s the most re-gifted present in history, which means you wouldn’t give it to anyone unless someone else gave it to you first.
Participate in eating contests – Not much of a contest if someone else isn’t involved.
Drive El Caminos – You know there is something called the ‘pick-up,’ right?
If this were the ‘70’s I’d say, “Wear plaid bellbottoms.”
If this were any decade I’d say, “Wear fanny packs.”
If this were your parents I’d say, “Jump off a bridge” – Growing up, you no doubt learned that jumping off a bridge wasn’t a good idea even if the whole neighborhood was doing so. Despite the desire of some people to bungee jump, take a dip or end it all, parents didn’t believe any value could be derived from this activity.
Chant “De-fense” at sporting events – If you do this, you’re not only assuming that the team you cheer for is so dumb that they are unable to tell when to play offense and when to play defense, but that the team’s coaching staff is also unable to recognize when to play one or the other. This team, in all likelihood, is not worth rooting for. And let’s face it, if the guy next to you didn’t do it first, would you be the one to lead the chant? Didn’t think so.
Root for the Chicago Cubs – I mean, seriously. A hundred years without a championship? Misery loves company indeed.
Marry Larry King
Marry Liza Minnelli
Put Flavor Flav on TV
Cast Keanu Reeves in movies – The Matrix was 10 years ago. He hasn’t made a good one since.
And I'm sure there are thousands more. Feel free to add to the list below.
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