Want a New Government? Yes We Tweet!

Despite my typical apathy, and sometimes moderate disdain, for social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook for how they’ve opened everyone up to the world and yet closed us off socially more than ever before, I have to admit they seem to be spurring real progress lately. The reports were that protestors garnered support for the uprising in Egypt through those two communication vehicles.

Wow. So, a few dozen Egyptians start talking trash on Twitter about their 30-year dictator, and two weeks later he’s no longer in power. If only Iraqis had access to Twitter back in 2003, right? Are you with me?! Sorry.

That’s quite a resume boost for the website: “From 2008-2010, I served mainly as an outlet where celebrities and pro athletes could bypass their overbearing publicists and wreck their careers by saying what was actually on their minds. From Feb. 2011 – current, I serve as the medium most widely used by average citizens to communicate tactical plans for joining together to successfully overthrow their government.”

That got me thinking that if Mubarak was clued into the social media fad, maybe he could have halted the protests before they ever started.

@Protestor1 – Don’t forget, tonight we rally outside whatever-we-call-that-building-that-Mubarak-is-holed-up-in so we can finally take back our government.

@Protestor2 – Yeah, right on!!

Mubarak signed on under the identity “@Longstandinggovernmentnotsobad23” – A protest rally? Really? That sounds so lame.

@Protestor1 – Why do you say that?

@Longstandinggovernmentnotsobad23 – Just seems like a big waste of time.

@Protestor2 – But we can no longer toil under Mubarak’s iron-fisted regime.

@Longstandinggovernmentnotsobad23 – I don’t know. He sounds like a pretty cool guy to me. He gave my little brother a puppy and my mom says he’s kind of hot.

@Protestor1 – That’s disgusting.

@Longstandinggovernmentnotsobad23 – It’s not disgusting! You’ll die for that, infidel dog!

@Protestor1 – What?!

@Longstandinggovernmentnotsobad23 – Uh… Uh… Nothing. Nevermind. I was just joking around. LOL!

@Protestor2 – Oh, ha! LMAO!

@Protestor1 – Yeah, LMAO too! Forget the rally. Let’s all go to the GAP.

So what does this mean for those who aren’t on Twitter in the future? I think it’s pretty obvious. If long-standing dictators and overlords learn anything from Egypt’s uprising, it will be that they need to get on Twitter under a pseudonym and just speak to potential angry citizens in ways they can identify with. Do that, and 30-year rulers can become 60-year rulers, as noted below.

@Downwiththeman1 – Planning a sit-in outside the gov. offices tomorrow. This will be Gadhafi’s last week in power.

Gadhafi signed in as @Gadhafiissuchadouche – You know, I saw on Gadhafi’s blog that he’s a distant cousin to Justin Bieber.

@Downwiththeman1 – Really?! Is that true?

@Gadhafiissuchadouche – It must be. It’s on his blog. Also, he said his regime will pass out iPads to the first 100,000 citizens who agree to meet at the outskirts of town, get on government-run buses and not ask any meddlesome questions to the guys holding machine guns.

@Downwiththeman1 – Sweet! I’m in. I’ve been needing an iPad, like, forever.

And we all know Americans are not shy when it comes to Twitter. People have launched TV shows and book deals from the 140-character musings they send out every day. Given the declining value of the dollar, it’s only a matter of time before clever Twitter updates become our new form of currency. Soon, car dealers will be trading Toyotas for the rights to tweet, “The deli down the street tried to charge me $11 for a sandwich today. I told the guy working the register, ‘That’s a bunch of baloney!’”

I’m not sure what to think of all this. Social media appears to have the same kind of power, maybe more, as national defense systems. Or maybe it’s more empowering than powerful. Maybe Twitter will bring peace to Israel. I guess that would be worth it even if it means putting up with, “Seat warmers are everything! I hate when the front seat has them but not the back seat :-(” – Kim Kardashian