Voicemail Message from the Double Rainbow

Voicemail Message Left By the Double Rainbow on YouTube for the Guy Who Videotaped It

“Dude. Uh…hey. What’s up? Sorry I missed you. I hate talking on these things.

“Uh… look, just wanted to let you know I appreciate your passion. Really, I do. I tend to get a lot of oohs and ahhs, but nothing like what you did. And my cousin, the Single Rainbow, barely even gets a nod of appreciation from adults. It’s usually just kids who come out of the house to take a closer look when he decides to make an appearance. He won’t admit it, but he’s super jealous. Always bitching about putting in twice as many hours for only a quarter of the gratitude. Blah, blah, blah.

“Anyway, uh… so that’s cool that I was able to make your day. But, seriously, you might want to consider taking down the video, if you can. I really don’t know how these things work. Do you even have the rights to your own video any more, or does it legally belong to the YouTube people? Maybe you can talk to them and work out a deal. I’ve become the butt of quite a few jokes lately. Plus… ah crap. Stupid beep. These things are never long enough.”

(Redials)

“Hey, me again. Sorry to drone on forever, but as I was saying… I’ve also become the new standard measure of joy for people, whether it’s a not-so-ordinary life event or the most mundane daily occurrence with the most inconsequential results. People are shouting my name every time a second bag of chips unexpectedly drops in the vending machine. It’s insulting, quite frankly. Not to mention that it’s a lot to live up to. I don’t need the attention. I kind of like to just hang out and do my thing.

“But most importantly, people are starting to figure out what you were doing. I mean, it’s pretty obvious. Sure, you never turned the camera on yourself, but the audio is pretty damning. But I haven’t been telling people. Believe me! I have not said a word. The whole thing freaked me out. I mean, there you were… doing what you were doing, and I couldn’t go anywhere. I’m frozen there until the sun is finished refracting through the clouds or the rain or whatever. I couldn’t move. You really put me in an awkward position. There’s no reason you couldn’t go back inside to do that. I know, I know, you got that place out in the middle of nowhere, with no one else around for miles, but then you put it on YouTube, so your whole goal of ‘more privacy’ is moot at that point. Damn it!”

(Redials)

“Ok, so I don’t want to go on and on, but if we can just forget about the whole thing, I think that would be best. I’m sure you don’t want people to still talk about it. I can only imagine your embarrassment. And I won’t ever be able to erase that image of you “enjoying” the glory of the Double Rainbow, but if everybody stopped talking about it, that would sure help.

“So… anyway… thanks again. It was cool until it turned creepy. Take it easy.”

(Click)