When I asked my boss if I could travel to Beijing to cover the Olympics, she seemed confused.
“Your job has nothing to do with covering the Olympics or any other athletic event," she said. "It doesn’t even involve reporting of any kind. In fact, this is not a news media outlet.”
"But how will my readers get all the latest on the Olympic competitions?” I asked.
She responded with awkward silence, followed by, “Did you fall down over the weekend?”
No matter. Here I am, bringing you the latest. And there is a lot to report.
For instance, after only two days of competition, U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps has already collected 28 gold medals, cleared China’s air pollution and is on the verge of freeing Tibet. Those last two accomplishments pale in comparison to the degree of difficulty Phelps faced in keeping his medal hunt alive by helping to win the Men’s 4x100 meter relay yesterday.
Believe it or not, the U.S. was not favored to win the event, but the team got a boost just before the race by learning that the final leg of the relay would be swum by none other than Brett Favre. Just four days after signing with the New York Jets, Favre was allowed to leave training camp to represent his country.
In the press conference following the relay, Favre’s one and only statement on winning a gold medal sounded eerily similar to his press conference upon arriving in New York to take over the Jets quarterback position.
“I’m just glad they gave me a chance to play,” he said of his Olympic teammates.
In similar news, both presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain said they would consider either Favre or Phelps as their vice presidential nominee.
“It’s a tough choice,” Obama said. “Favre has the stubble, but Phelps has the abs.”
When asked if Favre’s commitment to play Batman in the next Batman movie would hurt his chances as a VP nominee, Obama responded by saying, “Certainly Brett’s time constraints due to his prior obligations will play a role in determining if he can best serve the duties of the office, but let’s get one thing clear - he is not playing Batman in some movie. He will be performing the actual duties of Batman for the citizens of this country and every country around the world.”
McCain also weighed in with either athlete’s chances on securing the nomination.
“Given that there’s a good chance I will check out to the big retirement community in the sky before the end of my term, I need to pick a VP that the public feels confident can run the country. Therefore, I think I should let the American people choose whether Michael or Brett will be my vice-presidential pick by having them vote for one or the other on ‘American Idol,’” McCain said.
When reminded that the election will take place in the fall, before the next season of ‘American Idol,’ McCain said, “Really? The election is this year?”
He then laid his head down on the podium and appeared to take a brief nap before his publicist helped him off the stage.
In other Olympic news, Germany has won something, China has won something and Australia has offered to buy Lithuania’s medals, should they win any. Stay tuned.
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